


How You Became Mine

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Biology, Amnesia, Angst, Attempted Murder, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crying, Curtis is Evil, Deliberate Badfic, Disney Princess Lotor, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emo Keith (Voltron), F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Healing Sex, Love Confessions, Loveless Marriage, M/M, Magical Healing Vagina, Melodrama, Multi, Party, Pining, Screenplay/Script Format, alien mpreg, dead robots, exes in love, rescue romance, ridiculously out of place European formal wear, twist ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 09:45:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18848530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Years after the series finale, Keith is mourning, Lance and Pidge are pining, and Allura stumbles on a familiar face.





	How You Became Mine

Keith VO: It's so pretty on the restored Olkari. Too bad I'm all emo and stuff.

Pidge: Hey Keith.

Keith: Oh hi. Let me put on my elaborate European robes.

Pidge: It's the anniversary, isn't it.

*sad badly-traced hug*

Keith: Let's go.

Pidge VO: Really I don't get why Keith gets so sad this time of year but whatever, guess this is therapeutic for him.

Keith: *standing before a cardboard grave* Um...I guess this is where I mourn the robot I made and pretended was mine and Shiro's kid? Cause I can't have babies. I'm a dude.

~~~~flashback~~~~

Lance: Wow Keith that's such a cool robot! Too bad it can't eat Hunk's amazing cooking.

Keith: Yeah, it's cool. Still not sure how I managed this without Pidge's help, robotics are her thing.

Allura: Galra blood?

Keith: Yeah maybe. I'm gonna go watch the rain for a bit. Also something about letters.

Keith VO: Shiro can you hear me? Are you thinking about me right now even as you're fucking your husband? I hope so. Cause I love you and all I've got left of you is the robot and the scar you gave me. I'm sad. I'm going to bawl now.

Allura: Oh, Keith, you're so brave.

 

~~~~~~meanwhiles~~~~~~

Shiro VO: Keith can you hear me? I love you, I always loved you even when I married Rando-I mean Curtis cause you and I couldn't be together for some stupid reason. Like I don't love him and he's boring as fuck and I only want you but I'm still with him and I dunno why.

Coran: Shiro! I'm not sure why I'm your manservant now and not Allura's, but I found letters!

Shiro: What?

Coran: They're from Keith. This is James, one of Curtis's servants, and he found them.

James: I jerked off to them. Is Keith still single? Cause I was gonna take a trip to Olkari.

Coran: Not now, James. Shiro, Keith built a robot and called it your son.

Shiro: WHAT

Shiro: Imma go chat with Rando. I mean Curtis.

Curtis: Oh hi babe.

Shiro: EXPLAIN *slams letters down*

Curtis: idk what you're-

Shiro: Liar. Er, I mean, LIAAAAAAAAR *kicks Curtis in the knee very lightly*

Curtis: Ow.

Shiro: You hid the letters from Keith and lied to me about having a robot son!

Curtis: look if the world found out you had a bastard robot they'd kill you. For some reason. Look none of this plot makes any sense just go with it okay

Shiro: DON'T BREAK THE 4TH WALL I mean YOU ARE A BAD BAD MAN

Curtis: Shiro I'm your husband you and I should be adopting an heir right now

Shiro: BUT I DON'T LOVE YOU

Curtis: Gasp!

Shiro: I'm leaving and divorcing you. Fuck the Atlas and the kingdom, you're not even my husband so idk I'll just leave it all to Coran.

~~~Keith and Pidge~~~

Keith: Big ball tomorrow.

Pidge: I sure miss Lance. I wish I'd told him I loved him sooner.

Keith: Yeah, well, he was dating Allura and stuff.

Pidge: I always wished he would notice me, but then we kissed and even then we didn't actually get together.

Keith: Wow, you two are dumb.

Pidge: Well, so are you and Shiro.

Keith: Got me there.

~~~~in Cuba~~~

Lance: Boy I sure am sorry me and Allura didn't work out. But I love Pidge now.

Veronica: And you still haven't told her?

Lance: We're meeting at some fancy space ball tomorrow cause Keith's a prince now or something so I'll tell her then? But I'm nervous.

Veronica: It'll be fine. Just be glad you two aren't gonna have much screentime in this thing.

~~~Keith's dream~~~

Keith: Oh look, an orange. /bites into it

Robot: /ASPLODE

Keith: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Keith: /wakes up crying

Keith: SHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO also SVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN-BOT

Keith VO: I'm emo cause Shiro and I fucked and then he got married. Not fair. It's not like I could've told him I wanted to be with him or anything. Nope. All of this is Man's fault.

 

~~before the ball~~

Allura: What a lovely night for a walk!

Stranger: halp. I'm bleeding to death.

Allura: Oh my! and he's wearing a mask so there's no way I can tell who it is by any other part of his appearance!

Keith: Allura? Who's that draped over your shoulder?

Allura: Some stranger, he's been stabbed and poisoned and I decided to bring him home to fix him before the ball. Or let the other Alteans do it since I've gotta go put on a fancy dress that doesn't suit me one bit.

Keith: Okay.

 

~~~at the ball~~~

Keith: Wow all these people came and they're dressed in fancy European junk.

Hunk: Hi, I'm just here as a cameo with my wife Shay. Then again, we're probably better off for it.

Shay: Let's just put up the sneeze guards on the buffet and go make out.

People: talk talk talkity talk padding outfits blah blah blah

Announcer: LANCE HAS ARRIVED

Pidge: omg!!! Do I have anything stuck in my teeth?!

Keith: Go for it!

Lance: Pidge, you look so beautiful and feminine yet still not like other girls.

Pidge: I missed you. You look so handsome.

Lance: I love you Pidge. I mean Katie.

Pidge: I love you too Lance.

*Pidge and Lance kiss*

Keith: Yay, they're together OH MY GOD IS THAT THE ATLAS?!!?!

Guests: OMG IT'S HIM

Keith: SHIROOOOOOOOO

Shiro: KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIITH

Pidge: Get him!

*Keith and Shiro do the dramatic run and embrace and kiss with sparkling tears in front of everyone*

Guests: YAAAAAAAY

 

~~~later~~~

Shiro: Where's our robot kid?

Keith: It asploded. I blamed you! Because you left me and now the robot won't grow up in the fucked up world his dad grew up in! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!

Shiro: Oh, Keith, I never should have let you go. I'm sorry. You're the one for me and we'll have more robot kids together. Fuck Curtis.

Keith: Oh, Shiro...

*they embrace and cry*

 

~~~the next day~~~

Stranger who is obviously Lotor: Where am I?

Lotor VO: I don't remember a damn thing. What the hell happened? Zethrid, did you spike my coffee with vodka again?

Maid: Hi, let me help you get dressed. You're so handsome.

Lotor: Do you think so? Also why is a woman helping me dress?

Maid: I'm asexual.

Lotor: Oh. Wow, this is a nice European suit.

Allura: Hi I thought I'd come and check up on OH MY GOD IT'S LOTOR

Lotor: AAAH!

Allura: *points her bayard at him* VILLAIN

Lotor VO: omg what's she on about she's yelling she's growing twice her size RUN FOR YOUR LIFE SHE'S GONNA YEET YOU er I mean

Lotor: *runs away with his sparkling teardrops floating after him* I'm confused!

 

Lance, Shiro, Coran: LOTOR'S HERE WTF

Pidge: Look I know he was evil and stuff but my sensors said he was telling the truth, I was spying while Allura was scaring the crap out of him and yelling at him

Shiro: But he killed a bunch of Alteans!

Pidge: Maybe we should give him a chance.

Coran: Okay.

 

Keith VO: So Lotor fit right in with us, since he's been mindwiped and is all passive and docile like a newborn kitten. Allura became his teacher and they got super cozy together and now Lotor is basically a Disney Princess. But sometimes he cries at night about stuff and I give him very gay hugs. But not too gay because I'm only gay for Shiro.

 

Lotor: I'm sitting here in a tree making flower crowns and thinking about Allura OMG SHE'S HERE SHE'S SO HOT

Allura: I want to bring Lotor to see the cherry blossoms-I mean Juniberries. He's so beautiful.

Tree branch: lol bye /cracks

Lotor: Eek!

Allura: Oh my!

Lotor: Sorry about that, trees are dicks.

Allura: It's okay.

 

Keith: Wow you fell on her?

Lotor: I did! Her boobs are soft.

Keith: I think you two are gonna get together.

Lotor: Really?

Keith: You're beautiful. Look at your sparkly eyes in the mirror.

Lotor: Wow I'm hot.

Keith: Now let's get you all dolled up so Allura will have an orgasm the moment she sees you.

 

Allura: Oh wow Lotor you look lovely.

Lotor: So do you.

Allura: So we're in a boat now. Romantic gondola ride, too bad there's no Kiss The Girl playing.

Lotor: The flowers sure are pretty. Oh look, rain!

Allura: Let's make out.

*they fuck in the rain*

Lotor VO: I feel pure now that I've had sex with Allura.

 

Lotor VO: wait I take it back NOOOOO I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES AGAIN WHERE I KILL PEOPLE NOOO WHAT HAVE I DOOOONE

Lotor: I'm staring out the window all sadlike

Allura: Lotor, it's okay.

Lotor: I'M SORRY! LET ME WEEP ON YOUR HEAVING BOSOM ABOUT HOW SORRY I AM!

Allura: There, there, just let me grow a few inches first.

 

Keith VO: I'm being fucked by Shiro. It's so good, as deep as before. Too bad there's so many limbs you can't tell it's a sex scene. Sorry about that. But this is right again and I can dream. Shiro and I truly were meant to be.

Shiro: So how are we gonna save Lotor?

Keith: Allura's gonna take care of that.

Shiro: Also I still have the Galra boobie tat you gave me.

Keith: And I still have yours.

Shiro: I love you.

Keith: I love you too.

 

Lance: Hey Pidge, come fly with me before the sun's up!

Pidge: Wow my boobs are huge. Look at my nipple poking through my flimsy nightgown. Sure, I'll come with.

Lance: Here we are, atop a random high mountain. I love you. You are my world. Insert more sappy monologuing here.

Pidge: I love you too, Lance. Good thing I looked up websites for how to talk sappy and stuff.

Lance: Will you marry me?

Pidge: Oh yes!

*he puts the ring on her and they kiss*

 

Lance: HEY SHIRO ALLURA I'M GETTING MARRIED

Shiro: Cool!

Allura: Let's lift him awkwardly onto our shoulders!

Shiro: Then we can celebrate by getting wasted!

 

Pidge: Lotor, Keith, check out this sweet ring!

Keith and Lotor: SQUEEEEEE!

 

Pidge: I slept that night while half the gang got wasted. But I woke up with my panties wet cause I want his dick.

Lance: Hey, Pidge.

Pidge: Lance, I want you to take me like the submissive woman I am.

Lance: I'll go all glowy during it for some reason.

Pidge VO: I'm a woman now, and I felt so safe while being done by Lance. Notice how our sex is better drawn? I think this is our last major scene. Good, this story's getting annoying.

 

~~~meanwhile~~~~

Curtis: Acxa, you gotta help me, Shiro hates me and I just wanna make ammends. I mean...I must kill Keith! Also you have to kill Lotor.

Acxa: Okay, seriously? You just let Shiro run off, didn't even try to talk to him, and your solution is MURDER? Also, Lotor's already dead.

Curtis: No, he's alive and banging Allura.

Acxa: I am so lost.

Curtis: Look, I'm gonna be dead within a few dozen pages anyway, let's get this over with.

Acxa: Whatever.

 

Curtis: sup Keith

Keith: OMG IT'S YOU YOU STOLE SHIRO FROM ME

Curtis: Wow I just wanted to say hi and maybe smooth stuff over with you and Shiro but if you're gonna be like that I'm glad I exploded your robot

Keith: YOU MONSTER!

Keith and Curtis: *have a bunch of awkward fades and stuff while fighting*

 

Acxa: I'm supposed to kill people now and stuff. Where's Lotor?

Allura: I'll fight you. Lotor, you hide somewhere.

Acxa and Allura: *have a badly done fight scene*

Lotor VO: Allura's in trouble. I have to save her. Because of the power of love I feel my magic returning! I got laid, so I have a reason to live! I LOVE YOU, ALLURA!

Acxa: Um, he's aiming a ki blast at me! Little help, Curtis?

Curtis: Oh. Um...ARROW'D! *throws a toy wooden arrow that hits Lotor in the knee*

Lotor: Ow. *does an ungraceful faceplant*

Allura: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Keith: Curtis I'm going to make you pay for what you did.

Curtis: I didn't do anything! I mean, I exploded the robot, but-

Keith: *pokes him with the flat of his blade* Sorry I don't know how to bloodbend.

Curtis: Ow. *falls over* Am I dead?

Keith: Yeah.

Curtis: Cam I go now?

Keith: Yeah, go collect your check from Matt at the desk. See you after the show.

 

Allura: Wait, wasn't there supposed to be an emotional parental reunion?

Pidge: Zarkon died and Honerva refused to be a part of this.

Allura: Oh well.

 

Shiro: Lance and I got back from a contrived meeting! What happened?

Coran: idk Keith killed Curtis and Acxa stabbed Lotor and ran?

Lotor: halp. I'm dying again.

Shiro: WE MUST GO TO ORIANDE TO SAVE HIM

Allura: *weeping* DON'T DIE MY LOVE

Lotor: Here's a sad monologue before I pass out.

 

Keith: So Allura needs to go into the quintessence field to save Lotor's spirit.

Lotor: Wow it's sparkly here.

Honerva and Zarkon: Son...

Lotor: wtf my parents are dicks

Honerva: We're from another reality where we actually loved you

Zarkon: You can't die yet. The hope of the world lies within your womb.

Lotor: WHAT

Lotor: no really WHAT

Honerva: That night Allura pegged you with her tentacles she knocked you up. You have a womb because alien biology.

Lotor: woah I have a baby in me? I think I feel it.

 

Pidge: Allura? Lotor's preggers.

Allura: OH CRAP I SHOULD'VE PUT A CONDOM ON MY TENTACLE I mean NOOOOOOO MY CHILD IS DYING INSIDE HIM

Lance: Well you're gonna save him

Keith: You must, your love will save the world someday

 

Shiro: Oh Keith

Keith: I killed Curtis.

Shiro: Allura says you're a hero for doing it. And I was afraid you got shanked too.

Keith: Oh Shiro.

*they hug*

 

Keith: *crying* Lotor is almost dead.

Allura: I'm off to save him.

Lance: Godspeed. Notice how chill I am about my first great love all over the guy I was jealous of?

Pidge: Well, our plot's over. Let's go play games.

Lance: See ya.

 

Lotor: I don't remember you but you sure are pretty.

Allura: I love you.

 

*Keith cries as he pulls out the arrow and blood falls out*

 

~~~~into the future~~~~

Kids: Wow look at us we look exactly like our parents no imagination in our design!

Sheith kids: So Keith could carry babies after all. Who knew?

Miracle: Hi! I brought my folks!

Lotor: *is pure Altean now and 100% more sparkly*

Keith: Isn't it nice how our lives are so perfect now?

Shiro: Sure would suck if someone wrote a sequel to this where you and I bite it, Lance gets super ill, and our kids get crap for being part Galra.

Pidge: Eh, no one's stupid enough to think that'd work.

Lotor VO: And so it ended. Shiro and Keith held onto their love because who cares about whatshisname, Pidge and Lance are in love, and Allura's magical vagina saved me from hell. Life is good. I lived in a time of heros.

THE END.

\--

Kinkade: Okay, cut! And that's a wrap, guys, thanks again for being in my independent film project! You're all such good sports.

Keith: You okay, Curtis?

Curtis: Nothing a little three-way action won't fix.

*Keith, Shiro, and Curtis run off to bang*

Allura: *makes out passionately with Lance*

Pidge: Are you sure this'll get you an A, Kinkade? I mean, it's...

James: Bad. Like, everyone can tell that Lotor is Ina in a wig and makeup.

Kinkade: The professor said to go wild and do something that would never happen in real life. It'll be great!

Ina: *scrubbing off the makeup* Just don't do an actual sequel, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING or maybe you did. Either way, long live the legendary badness of HIBY. Except this might've been better with badly traced drawings but that may happen someday!


End file.
